1. Introduction and reflect (5 min)

Introduce the topic and ask a few students to share their lessons learned of the previous lesson

2. Do: Warming up: Don’t stand too close (10 min)

Aim

1. Students explore their own and other people’s limits with regard to their own personal space.
2. Students experiment with how it feels when someone enters their personal space and when it feels uncomfortable and their limits are crossed.
3. Students get aware that due to cultural influences, women may experience less personal space, whereas men wanting to be seen as ‘real men’ often feel pressured to invade the space of women.

Teacher Tip

In some situations people enter each other’s personal space without bad intentions, for example when in a crowded bus or when walking on a busy market. People stand close because there is no other option. However, in these situations it is still important to show respect by not touching each other unnecessarily, particularly not in private areas (like your breast, buttocks, vagina and penis).

How

1. Students are asked to stand in a circle.
2. them to think about their private space and to draw an imaginary circle around themselves to imagine this.
3. Invite a student to walk up to a classmate and get increasingly close to him/her. Instruct the one who is approached to say STOP! when starting to feel uncomfortable because of this close proximity.
4. Repeat this game with more students and if time allows, give each student a turn.
5. Afterwards, invite students to share how it felt people coming too close. Where did you feel the discomfort in your body?
6. Was there a difference between a boy or a girl standing close?
7. Which bodily signals do you use to someone who enters your personal space against your will?

Teacher Tips

You can do this game also in couples or groups of students.
Make sure every student reflects on how their body tells them that a situation is making them feel uncomfortable and that their limits are crossed.

Wrap Up

Everyone has their own wishes and limits in what they are comfortable with regard to personal space, intimacy and sexuality. Every one, boy or girl, man or woman, may have different feelings about personal space and feeling uncomfortable due to personal and cultural notions. Respect each other’s personal space, wishes and limits, whether you are a woman or man, girl or boy. When people cross your limits, this can be (physically) felt. Listen to these signs, be clear about them in verbal and non-verbal ways and act on them.

3. Presentation: Coping with sexual harassment and abuse (30 min)

Materials

Presentation: Coping with sexual harassment and abuse
Optional: information sheet 'Refusal skills and tips on how to escape dangerous situations'; one per student.

Aim

To give students information about sexual abuse and harassment.
Students identify situations in which sexual harassment and sexual abuse may occur and learn skills to avoid or manage these situations safely.
Students learn to respect other people’s limits

How

1. Students read the presentation in groups on their computer and address the discussion points included in the presentation with their classmates before continuing. The presentation covers the following topics:
   - The importance of open communication, respect for each other’s wishes and limits and the rule that you never force someone to do something.
   - The right to be protected or protect themselves from harm including abuse or other forms of violence and the right to say NO to sex.
   - What sexual harassment, sexual abuse and rape entails, and the situations and relationships that may easily lead to forced sex..
   - Myths about rape and sexual abuse.
   - Different tactics an abuser may use and skills and tips to avoid or safely manage these risky situations, including physical tips for handling dangerous situations.
   - Gender roles that hinder boys’ and girls’ right to say NO to sex.
   - Different reasons for people to give into sex when they actually don’t want to.
   - How to say NO to sex in a clear and assertive manner.
   - Effect of rape on the victim.
   - What to do and where to get help in the case of abuse or violence.
2. After the presentation, discuss what students see as harassment and abuse. Ensure that possible differences in perceptions between boys and girls of what is abusive or experienced as harassment come to light. Encourage students to reflect on a respectful interaction between each other and in particular with the opposite sex.
3. Explain that what people experience as sexual abuse or sexual harassment can be very personal and should only be defined or judged by the person who experiences it. This last person is always right and is never to blame.

Teacher Tips

Boys often do not realise that their acts or behaviour towards girls might be experienced by girls as (sexual) harassment or abuse. Their perception of what is harassing and abusive is sometimes distorted due to cultural norms about masculinity or due to peer norms. Or just because it is not easy for boys at that age to see things from a girl’s perspective.

Below are a few examples that could be considered sexual harassment if experienced as unwelcome. The list is meant only to give an idea of what can be considered sexual harassment:

1. Direct or indirect threats or bribes for unwanted sexual activity.
2. Sexual comments.
3. Intrusive sexually explicit questions.
4. Sexually suggestive sounds or gestures such as sucking noises, winks or pelvic movements.
5. Repeatedly asking a person out for dates, or to have sex.
6. “Accidently” bumping into someone’s breasts or buttocks.
7. Touching, petting, punching, stroking, squeezing, tickling or brushing against a person.
8. A not requested neck/shoulder massage.
9. Rating a person's sexuality.
10. Staring at a woman's breasts or a (wo)man's buttocks.
11. Spreading rumours about a person's sexuality.
12. Name-calling such as bitch, whore, or slut.
13. Frequent jokes about sex or males/females.
14. Portraying someone in social media or mobile in a sexual way, letters, notes, telephone calls, text messages, or material of a sexual nature.
Displaying pictures, calendars, cartoons or other materials with sexually explicit or graphic content.
15. Stalking a person.
16. Attempted or actual sexual assault.

Wrap Up

Sex or a sexual activity should always be safe and consensual (agreed upon by both parties involved). Someone who loves you would never pressurise you into doing something you don’t want or that is wrong for you. A person being abused or harassed is never to blame as no one under any circumstances has the right to touch another one’s body against their will or abuse it; neither show disrespect verbally or non-verbally. We all have the right to protected or protect ourselves from harm, including sexual abuse, harassment and violence.

Everybody has the right to speak out when abuse has happened and get medical treatment to prevent infections with STIs and HIV and pregnancy!

The tips and skills that you have learned today can help in avoiding risky situations that may lead to unwanted and forced sex.

4. Advice: How saying NO to sex becomes easier (15 min)

Materials

Questions: ‘Give advice on how to say no to sex’
Advise: example answers
Two sheets of paper per group
Pens, pencils or coloured markers.

Aim

1. Students identify myths, gender roles and assumptions that make it challenging for young people to say NO to sex.
2. Students give peers advice on how to stick to their limits and follow their own needs. This advice includes counter-arguments that help bust the assumption that stops them from saying NO.

Teacher Tips

Girls and boys may find it difficult to say NO to sex, because of different reasons. Often ‘assumptions’ hinder them: they think/assume they need to live up to certain expectations. They are scared that if they don’t have sex, they will damage their relationship and be judged.

How

1. Ask students to open Questions 'How saying NO to sex becomes easier' and read the different reasons why saying no to sex could be difficult. Let them think for a few minutes which ones they recognize for themselves.
2. Ask students to advise two of the quoted students in the game on how to stick to their limits. This advice should include arguments breaking down their barriers for saying NO to sex.
3. They can find the answers in the document ‘Advice-example answers’
4. Check with some students what they advised, and what they learned from the game

Wrap Up

Sometimes assumptions might hinder us in saying NO to sex, for example when we don’t feel ready. These assumptions can differ from person to person. Remind students that it is their human right to say NO to sex and it’s the responsibility of all of us to listen well and respect the decisions of others.

In the presentation useful skills have been shared that can help avoid or handle risky situations or situations that may lead to unwanted and forced sex.

5. Do: Refusal Skills – How to say NO (25 min)

Material

Presentation: Coping with sexual harassment and abuse (slide 25)
Or
Tip sheet: 'Refusal skills and tips on how to escape dangerous situations'.

Aim

1. Students practice refusal skills through the use of non-verbal communication (body language)

Teacher Tips

Boys and girls can have a different way of communicating their NOs. Girls may not always be explicit enough (because they feel culturally not allowed to say NO, do not want to insult the boy or for other reasons) which can cause boys to think or assume that they actually mean YES while saying NO. Encourage students to reflect on the communication style of the opposite sex and share what they need from the opposite sex to avoid misinterpretation in the future.

How

1. Students remind themselves of the refusal skills (saying NO in four steps) from the presentation(slide 24) or by reading the tipshit Refusal skills and tips on how to escape dangerous situations'.
2. Emphasize the message that clear body language that matches one’s words, is a vital part of communicating your NO effectively. Using effective non-verbal body language to reinforce a NO can avoid misinterpretations. On the other hand, it is important for all of us to correctly interpret other people’s non-verbal expressions of saying NO.
3. In pairs, students practice refusal skills through the use of explicit and effective body language.
   - Each pair plays as if they are a boy and a girl on a date, one of them pressurizing the other into sex. This might involve either the boy or the girl being the one who pressurizes.
   - Each student should practice saying NO, ONLY by using their bodies. No words are allowed!
4. A few students can perform their skills before the class. Ask the class to judge whether these skills are convincing and why or why not. This will help students to clarify how to say NO through the use of body language alone.
5. Use the following questions to reflect on the performances:
   - What was effective in their communication?
   - What was not so effective or could lead to misinterpretation?
   - Are there differences in the way boys and girls communicate (verbally and non-verbally)?
   - Are there differences in the way boys and girls interpret non-verbal messages of the opposite sex? For example: girls say NO with a smile…! How do boys interpret this?
   - Discuss: The person who hear/see the non-verbal NO might feel rejected, insulted or might experience another response to a clear and effective NO. This can give a bad feeling to the receiver, especially if the other person is a friend. Discuss with the students what kind of NO is the most effective towards a friend and what towards a peer or stranger.
   - How could miscommunication between boys and girls being prevented?
   - Note: always end with an effective way of saying ‘no’, this is the example that students will remember!

Wrap Up

Clear non-verbal body language that matches someone’s words is a vital part of communicating limits effectively and can avoid misunderstandings or misinterpretations. It is important to correctly interpret and respect non-verbal expressions of saying NO to sex. Be aware of the different ways in which verbal and non-verbal messages are expressed and combined by someone from the opposite sex.

6. Lesson wrap up + homework (5 min)

Materials

- One sheet of paper per group.
- Pens, or pencils and coloured markers.
- Examples: Stories and posters ‘My opinion’!

Aims

Students formulate and share their own opinions about sexual harassment and abuse with the aim to encourage friends, peers, schoolmates and other community members to be non-violent and stop abuse.

How

1. Ask each student to formulate their own opinions about sexual harassment and abuse. Write down several opinions on the black board as an example.
2. Ask them as an homework exercise to choose one opinion and make a slogan, a poem, or a poster about that. They can use the example stories for inspiration.
3. Ask students to share their creative expressions with the school or community to become agents of change. You can for instance make a wall with all of their works of art.

7. Extra homework: Preparation for lesson 10: Your most important messages! (5 min)

Materials

- Top Tip Peer Book.
- Option: all of the WSWM- lessons.

Aim

Students pick out their most important message from each WSWM- lesson and think about their future ‘dream’.

How

1. Lesson 10 is based on this homework, so tell students it is very important to do this homework assignment before the next lesson.
2. Ask the students to formulate the most important message they learned, from each WSWM-lesson.
3. Tell the students to write these messages in their Top Tip Peer Book. After completing this, the students will have 9 messages written down in their book.
4. Tell them they should also think of their future dream. This dream can be about anything that has to do with their life. Students have to write down their future dream in their Top Tip Peer Book.
5. Tell the students they have to share their dream with their classmates in lesson 10. That way students are prepared to not write down anything too sensitive.